It’s only because of my Facebook Timeline that I found out today was World Suicide Prevention day. It’s been over two years since I’ve been so blissfully ignorant of that fact, and I’m not sure whether to be happy or ashamed of that. I’ve been way too busy living to think about dying, and of course that’s great; it’s amazing.
On the other hand, I don’t want to forget. I don’t ever want to fully leave behind the things I went through in 2015. I don’t want to forget how fragile and precious my mental health is, I don’t ever want to take it for granted, and I think you shouldn’t either. So I decided to turn to my blog.
Once again it’s time for me to get on social media and fundraise. I’ve said it before, I’ll no doubt say it again, but someone, somewhere in the world, dies of suicide every 40 seconds. That’s way too many people, every single minute.
Two years ago, I thought I would one day be one of those people. I used to look at the clock, I used to watch 40 seconds tick away and wonder how many more 40-second intervals I would endure before I took up my poison of choice. I never did, and I’m grateful for that every day.
The thing is, for me, a 40-second interval was always doable. If you can survive 40 seconds at your very worst, you can survive the 40 that come after that, and the 40 after that, and a thousand more seconds. Eventually, I promise you will stop counting in those infuriating 40-second intervals. You might move on to counting in episodes of Lost, as I did, and then to counting in croissants, or hugs from your friends and your family. You might count in sleepless nights for a while, or rainstorms or something else that fills you with sadness and despair
But now it’s 2017, and I find myself counting in smiles and kisses and all the other precious moments that are worth staying for. Please stay. It will probably be the hardest thing you’ll ever do, but it will also be the most worthwhile.
You should be proud of yourself for every 40 seconds. You should be proud of every moment where you actively decide to keep breathing, even if you just… don’t want to. I’m definitely proud of you already, and I promise it will be worth it.
Please donate to this worthy cause if you can: https://give.classy.org/FrenziedFangirl
If you need help getting through the next 40 seconds, try listening to the soundtrack of Dear Evan Hansen.